Mountain adventures!

Okay, so it has been over a week since I have posted, so I will start with last weekend. Jon and I left the little ones with family and we started off on Friday morning for the mountains. We first stopped in Athens at Cracker Barrel for breakfast. Next we made a quick run to the bookstore which we love to do!
I was so excited about attempting a 7 mile hike that afternoon, but after being sick all week I became fatigued and had to sit down after walking around the children's section. Mmm, I suddenly don't feel as confident about our foray into the great outdoors. I picked up "The Borrowers" and "The Secret Garden" to read to Brennah and we had delicious coffee! (I sat down again) Jon was a little concerned and decided for my sake to drive up a mountain instead of hike up one. We drove up to Helen, GA and stopped at a little grocery store to get lunch. The "Wendy's" and "The Laughing Troll", or whatever it was called didn't seem appealing in the least. We drove up a mountain and had a picnic lunch by a stream...ahhh the romance! Totally interrupted by the dog trying to snatch chicken pasta out of my hand. After lunch we continued on our way at literally two miles an hour. Jon really got a kick out of me driving through the craters in the middle of the road. He had to get out of the car and take a picture. Then it hit me. I had to pee. Really badly. Now I have a phobia of peeing in the woods. It wasn't always this way. When I was little my friend Erin and I found a tree in the middle of our woods shaped in an "L" perfect for well, you know... We even went as far as to dig a hole at the base of it. Sorry Erin, but it was pertinent to the fleshing out of the story. I also went behind someone's shed in downtown Stone Mountain during the 1996 olympics when the torch was being run through.
In my later years everytime I have attempted to go au natural, one with nature, etc. I have been spotted. Very traumatizing. When the last incident occurred I had a spotter and everything. I worked up the courage, sqautted, and a hunter hiking over a hill spotted me. The faithful friend who was supposed to be watching over my backside literally, giggled and said "oops." Oops? Oops? Who says "oops" when something like that happens? I hiked my pants up and hiked myself up a mile on a thorny mountain to pee in the middle of the briarpatch-I was totally singing the mantra "Please throw me in the briarpatch, Please!!."
So when the urge hit me going up the mountain this time I slightly panicked, but I felt like I could definitely wait to get to down the other side. Then Jon informed me a little smugly that we were at least an hour from a real potty, and then the cold fingers of panic gripped my bladder. Suddenly the small urge turned to an overwhelming one. Pictures of lakes, streams, rivers and waterfalls ran quickly through my mind and my eyes started darting wildly back and forth to each side of the road looking desperately for a large tree, rock, port-a-potty ANYTHING! Of course there was nothing. We came to a parking lot where you can stop to hike up Trey mountain and get to the AT.
I decided that it was now or never. I calmly told Jon to keep watch or die and started down a steep hill I felt sure no one would do for fun. I found a huge tree and gave myself the pep talk. You can do this, you have to! Don't be a weenie, I'm ashamed of you, shocked really... pull it together!!! I felt ready. I did the necessary declothing, squatted and concentrated with all my might. It is extremely difficult to pee when you are nervous, no matter how many kegels you have done in your life. Well I was ready, ready, and then-HUGE gust of mountain icy winter air. That killed that effort for at least 20 seconds. So I tried again. Almost, almost- ICIER THAN THE FIRST! I was totally thinking you have got to be kidding. So I tried another route. Lord you could seriously help me out here with the weather angle, and then... Score! Sweet victory! I am awesome! I HAVE PEED! By myself! Outside! Jon was proud, and Charlie was proud. I am woman hear me roar!!! But pleasepleaseplease don't stumble across me in the wilderness trying desperately to go, it would seriously put a damper in my once again found ability.